Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
