woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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