you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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