Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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