i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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