My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
