3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
