5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
