I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
His nipple licking is glorious
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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