maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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