So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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