He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
