How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
