you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
