Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
