She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Someone stole a lamp last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
