I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
