Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
