Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
