Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
please come you make the beer taste better
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
