They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
