Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
