someone get that fucking seahorse.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
