im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
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A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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