my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
