Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
