I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize