Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
