Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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