Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
