Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
