Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
