great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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