i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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