Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
