Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
