i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
