ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
