I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
