we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
