help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
