we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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