And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
