i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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