u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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