I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
