If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize