In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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