There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
