It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize