She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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