12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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