You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
