Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
