the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
