i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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