Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
