I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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