just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
