I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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