3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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