You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
