i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
