My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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