Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
