Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
