What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
