The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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