she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
