I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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