Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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