I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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