I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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