so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
