I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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