Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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