my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
