my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
wow bdsm is so cute
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