the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
