I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
