just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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