I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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