K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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