Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
