She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
